Won’t You Please Consider Sponsoring A Protester, Today?

Save the Protesters – Changing Lives Since Last Thursday

 

Save the Protesters is a new progressive charity begun for the express purpose of providing financial, emotional and educational support to Occupy Wall Street Protesters as they endeavor to fundamentally change America and the world through coordinated occupations of city parks and plazas.  For less than the price of a daily latte, you can provide a nurturing environment for  Occupy protesters where ever they may be.  An environment brimming with support, love and attention allows the protesters the freedom to continue their work on behalf of 99% of the global community.

 

Ms. Sally Soros, Celebrity Spokesperson For Save the Protesters, International

 

When protests strike throughout the country and around the world, Save the Protesters is there, bringing support  in the form of nourishing vegan meals, fresh cardboard boxes and tarps, much-needed STD and drug testing, and quality condoms and sanitary wipes.

So that protesters may continue their studies, our efforts also ensure that vital educational opportunities such as bongo and rhythmic dance lessons,  consensus hand signals, including twinkle variations, point of process, wind it up and more, are available without cost or obligation to recipients.

And you can rest assured that Save the Protesters does not permit any religious or moralistic bias to  influence our process.  Won’t you please take a moment to read the heartfelt, personal stories of a few of the Occupy Protesters below and see if you are not touched by their strength and desire to destroy capitalism?

Upon receiving your pledge, a Save the Protesters  introductory packet will be sent to you so that you may get to know “your” special protester.  Each OWS protester you choose to support will communicate with you via text messages, emails, skype twinkles, and tweets, so that you may track his or her progress and personally witness the fruits of your financial support.

* We ask that you do not contact your sponsored protester personally as he or she may be unstable.  Please remember that all correspondence be coordinated through Save the Protesters.

 

"B", a spunky protester, adorably full of piss and vinegar, has somewhat taken on the role of mother pit bull during the OWS protest. Her natural protective and territorial qualities have led many of the younger, less experienced protesters to seek comfort and guidance under her wing. Soon "B" will require new glasses and a dental cleaning, and without your support, she most likely will go without either.

 

“P” is an intelligent little fellow with big dreams. During his protest breaks, you will find him scanning for  pictures in whatever  newspaper scraps he can find. “P’s” dream is to undergo concensus and hand signal training so that he may one day meet the requirements to become an Occupy Protest leader. Books and educational opportunities can happen for protesters like “P” but only IF you dare to care. (many thanks to Urban Infidel for bringing “P” to our attention)

 

"T" is a delightful fellow who shows great leadership in the movement. OWS organizers anticipate big things coming from "T" and feel that with his can-do attitude, he could one day take a seat upon the OWS General Assembly. Your donation can help "T" make something good come from within.

As you can see, "R" is very hungry. He opens his mouth and begs for any vegan morsels that might be tossed his way. You can help "R" regain his dignity with just a small token of support in the way of a monthly cash donation. "R" is a natural leader in the OWS drum circle and wishes one day to teach Drum Circle to qualified university freshmen. Won't you please help make his dreams come true?

 

Twins, "A" and "B" share more than genetics, they share a passion for wealth redistribution! Because of a cardboard shortage, they have been forced to share a box meant for one. Even though their lack of material goods has not quenched their thirst for justice, two new cardboard boxes would make all the difference in their lives. Will you help?

As you can see, "K" has had some trouble walking and cannot move from point A to point B without special assistance. OWS Medical Services Collective explains that "K" will need intensive hot yoga and herb rehabilitation, as well as a new pair of yoga slippers, if he is ever to walk again. Will you choose to help "K" walk again on his own with your sponsorship or will you turn away?

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5 Responses to Won’t You Please Consider Sponsoring A Protester, Today?

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  4. debra sunn says:

    WHOM EVER WROTE THIS IS THE STUFF! TOTALLY DEEP BELLY LAUGH, CANT STOP GIGGLING HILARIOUS! HOPE MY 60S RADICAL AUNT SEES THIS. THERE GOES HER RETIREMENT FUND. OH WELL, THATS WHAT HER DOUBLE DEGREE IS FOR,TO MAKE MO EVIL MONEY..

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  5. PennyThawtz says:

    @debra sunn
    So, Debra, maybe your Aunt will be willing to adopt one of these irresistable cuties?

    BTW, thanks for the complement! Please come back often and bring your friends! The Spew Crew loves our readers!

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