Author Archive

Empty, Empty, Empty

September 3rd, 2012 No comments

The Morning Spew crew is celebrating Empty Chair Day.  How will you celebrate?  Let us know in the comments!

Categories: News Tags: , , , ,

Not from Chef Pete

October 30th, 2011 2 comments

Credit: South Florida Water Management District via AP via MSNBC

Turducken is so 2010.  This Thanksgiving, try a Pydoe.  From MSNBC:

Officials in the Florida Everglades have captured and killed a 16-foot-long Burmese python that had just eaten an adult deer.

*  *  *

Skip Snow, a biologist and python specialist at Everglades National Park, who conducted the snake necropsy, said the snake had a girth of 44 inches with the deer inside.

“This is clearly an extreme event,” he told the Sun-Sentinel. “It shows you they can eat huge things.”

Read the whole thing here.  And let us know what the family thinks!


Categories: News Tags: , , , , ,

OWS: Putting the “Fun” in “Dysfunction”

October 29th, 2011 5 comments
Pimp Lady

The Crying Pimp Lady (Credit:

This OWS experiment is fascinating.  It’s like being in a laboratory and watching Animal Farm and Lord of the Flies unfold before our very eyes. Just for those of you keeping score at home, here are some of the very latest dispatches from the OWS frontier. Remember, this is what leftism looks like.

From the Depravity File:

From the Socialism Doesn’t Work file:

From the Violent Little Crybabies file:

People, these stories keep coming out at a rapid clip, so it’s really hard to keep up.  But never fear.  One of our favorite blogs has neatly summarized the whole thing in song, and is running a music video challenge — check it out!

Free Speech Is Not an OWS Value

October 26th, 2011 No comments

The Washington Examiner is running a story that further shows why the Occupy Wall Street crowd isn’t about freedom and bottom-up governance, but mob-enforced command and control.  Fester is shocked, shocked that a bunch of commies would falsely claim that they represent the common man as a means to score broad appeal!

According to the story, the OWS folks have demanded or implemented limitations on free speech and participation:

  • One OWS guideline says:  “Don’t assume gender.  When possible, go with gender-neutral pronouns.”
  • When discussing a “de-escalation committee,” occupiers “requested that the committee be diverse and specifically discouraged too much participation by white heterosexual males.”
  • During the discussion on the de-escalation committee, one man commented that “We are all God’s children.” Another occupier rebuked him, saying “Don’t mention God.  It makes me feel like I have to hide my agnostic beliefs.”

Seriously?  They want to get all up in your choice of pronouns?  Good luck with that, dipsticks.  And white, male heterosexuals — or anyone who’s admittedly religious — need not freaking apply.  How can they honestly claim they’re the 99% if they exclude the majority of the population?

Anyway, read the rest here.  Also, see our previous story about Occupy Atlanta, where the OWS folks shut out a Congressman from speaking to them and shouted down those dissenters who thought he should have his turn at the mic.

Not surprisingly, the Examiner also recounts an OWS “committee report,” which said that “protesters are reluctant to ‘help out’ with leadership, and often try to personally benefit from services others provide.”  And there you have it.  These people started out as freeloaders, and the stifling speech codes haven’t exactly motivated them.  What does that sound like to you?  Hint:  Starts with “c” and ends with “ommunism.”


OWS = Freaking Weird

October 20th, 2011 No comments

"Socialism stinks!"

Penny said this one had my name written all over it.  I’m not sure how to take that, but I’ll assume she meant it in a good way.  Here’s the deal.  Morgen at Verum Serum has a new post (with video) that’s equal parts funny and disturbing.  Apparently some Toronto Occupiers got a visit in their tent from a dude who wanted a little tender loving whiff of feet:

Video: “This Man Was in my Tent Sniffing my Girlfriend’s Feet”

Morgen on October 20, 2011 at 7:17 am

What happens when OWS protests stop being polite and start getting real? Some strange, strange things.

This was just yesterday at Occupy Toronto apparently, and seems to be yet another example of a troubling pattern of sexual related assaults at OWS sites around the country – and beyond. An assault was reported in Vancouver over the weekend as well.

There’s a reason why campgrounds aren’t typically found in the center of urban metropolitan areas. It’s not safe and it’s not sanitary, and you have to wonder how much longer the authorities are going to allow this to continue.

At least these Canadian feet were still attached to their owner.

Read the whole thing here, and check out the video!  Fester would say this story should go viral, but that’s a little disturbing in and of itself …

New Reader Challenge – Make a Music Video!

October 19th, 2011 3 comments

Wow, the Ben & Jerry’s contest was fun.  So fun, in fact, that we want to jump right into another reader challenge.  This time, it’s all about the video.

Here’s the deal.  Fester has written you a little ditty about the Occupy Wall Street goons, and has recorded it.  It’s called “We Gonna Occupy.”  (Guess what it’s about.  No really.  Guess dammit!)

The thing is, we have no video.  Well, okay, we have a video, but it does nothing but flash the lyrics:

We want something funny.  Something scary.  Something funny and scary.  And that’s where you — the most clever readers on the Worldwide Web — come in.

First, watch the video.  You’ve probably done that already, so you already know that Fester ain’t no Sinatra, and he ain’t no Edward Van Halen.  But he’s a damn sight better than these commie wastes of skin.

Second, download the mp3 version of the song here.  (Windows users, do the right-click “Save link as” thing.  Mac users, do whatever it is you people do.)

Third, use the song to make a music video.  When you’re done, upload it to YouTube and send us a link at  We’ll review it and, if it meets our ground rules below, we’ll post it here and ensure your immortality.

The first three people to get their videos posted will win a coveted t-shirt from The Morning Spew.  (Look, if we had the money, we’d buy you a new Ferrari.  But we’re not George Soros, people.)  That said, we’ll continue to post videos as long as people want to send them in.  Later submissions might not get a t-shirt, but if we post your video, you will receive immortality, high praise, and our undying gratitude.

A few ground rules:

  • No nudity, unless you blur it out or otherwise obscure it. (We’re not prudes here, but still.)
  • No racism, sexism, etc., unless you’re exposing racism, sexism, etc. by the occupiers.
  • Don’t violate anyone’s copyrights — give credit when appropriate and adhere to fair-use principles.
  • And most importantly, you must put our URL ( at the beginning and end of the video.  You can also give credit to yourself and anyone else, but we gotsta have that URL.

Other than that, you have total creative control.  Now go forth and make music videos!  Fester sez enjoy!  


Ben & Jerry’s Contest – WINNER

October 18th, 2011 5 comments

Every once in a while, someone hits the sweet spot.  Threads the needle.  Comes up with a totally kick-ass ice-cream flavah!  Such is mark muhlig’s entry, “Steal This Ice Cream.”  The irony is more delicious than the ice cream itself.

In four words and four syllables, mark has managed to lay bare the fundamental problem with socialism, while exposing the utter hypocrisy behind Ben & Jerry’s cheap publicity stunt and the so-called 99% movement as a whole.  If Ben & Jerry are so enlightened, perhaps they’ll drop their price to $0.00 for those of us in the bottom 99%, and charge the upper crust like a million bucks a carton!  Social justice, thy name is Delicious Frozen Dairy Treats!

mark muhlig, we at The Morning Spew salute you!   In recognition for your excellent contribution, we want to send you a t-shirt.  Please send an e-mail to and provide:  (1) a shipping address; (2) your t-shirt size; and (3) your favorite color for the t-shirt itself.  Here’s what it looks like in Forest Green:

And thanks to everyone for contributing!

Categories: News Tags: , ,

Ben & Jerry’s Contest – First Runner-Up

October 18th, 2011 No comments

Reader J.J. Sefton has given us this Damn Clever play on one of B&J’s most popular flavors.  In the process, J.J. exposes the true commie nature of the so-called 99% movement.  If it walks like a commie, talks like a commie, and tastes like delicious caramel and the blood of 100 million slaughtered innocents who are desperately trying to warn us from beyond their mass graves, it must be Ché Garcia!

Categories: News Tags: , ,

Ben & Jerry’s Contest – Second Runner-Up

October 18th, 2011 No comments

Our friend cgp has cracked the code on the more mellow protesters.  I mean, once you’ve viewed a couple of crying-hippie videos, you just know these people are so stoned!  This explains why they need B&J’s pharmaceutical-grade munchies in the first place.  Grass roots indeed!

Categories: News Tags: , ,

Ben & Jerry’s Contest – Third Runner-Up

October 18th, 2011 No comments

Courtesy of our good friend tc, please enjoy this new delicious flavor called “Teamster Creamster.”  Here, tc makes a play on something we all know about the Occupiers:   They’re pure Astroturf!  Union management, having confiscated immense sums of money from their rank-and-file constituents in the form of dues, are now blowing it on feeding these teeming throngs of hippies.  If Fester were an actual Teamster — one who worked for a living — he’d be so pissed.

But of course, the more thuggish union members are always pissed.  I mean, just look at those fists popping out of the carton!  Now that’s some quality rage!

(Many thanks to Penny for making all the B&J graphics you’ll see today.)



Categories: News Tags: , ,