The Morning Spew » ben &jerry’s Politics, Satire & Spew Sun, 08 Dec 2013 06:28:36 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Ben & Jerry’s Contest – WINNER Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:00:33 +0000

Every once in a while, someone hits the sweet spot.  Threads the needle.  Comes up with a totally kick-ass ice-cream flavah!  Such is mark muhlig’s entry, “Steal This Ice Cream.”  The irony is more delicious than the ice cream itself.

In four words and four syllables, mark has managed to lay bare the fundamental problem with socialism, while exposing the utter hypocrisy behind Ben & Jerry’s cheap publicity stunt and the so-called 99% movement as a whole.  If Ben & Jerry are so enlightened, perhaps they’ll drop their price to $0.00 for those of us in the bottom 99%, and charge the upper crust like a million bucks a carton!  Social justice, thy name is Delicious Frozen Dairy Treats!

mark muhlig, we at The Morning Spew salute you!   In recognition for your excellent contribution, we want to send you a t-shirt.  Please send an e-mail to and provide:  (1) a shipping address; (2) your t-shirt size; and (3) your favorite color for the t-shirt itself.  Here’s what it looks like in Forest Green:

And thanks to everyone for contributing!

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Ben & Jerry’s Contest – First Runner-Up Tue, 18 Oct 2011 14:30:32 +0000

Reader J.J. Sefton has given us this Damn Clever play on one of B&J’s most popular flavors.  In the process, J.J. exposes the true commie nature of the so-called 99% movement.  If it walks like a commie, talks like a commie, and tastes like delicious caramel and the blood of 100 million slaughtered innocents who are desperately trying to warn us from beyond their mass graves, it must be Ché Garcia!

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Ben & Jerry’s Contest – Second Runner-Up Tue, 18 Oct 2011 14:00:05 +0000

Our friend cgp has cracked the code on the more mellow protesters.  I mean, once you’ve viewed a couple of crying-hippie videos, you just know these people are so stoned!  This explains why they need B&J’s pharmaceutical-grade munchies in the first place.  Grass roots indeed!

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Ben & Jerry’s Contest – Third Runner-Up Tue, 18 Oct 2011 13:30:44 +0000

Courtesy of our good friend tc, please enjoy this new delicious flavor called “Teamster Creamster.”  Here, tc makes a play on something we all know about the Occupiers:   They’re pure Astroturf!  Union management, having confiscated immense sums of money from their rank-and-file constituents in the form of dues, are now blowing it on feeding these teeming throngs of hippies.  If Fester were an actual Teamster — one who worked for a living — he’d be so pissed.

But of course, the more thuggish union members are always pissed.  I mean, just look at those fists popping out of the carton!  Now that’s some quality rage!

(Many thanks to Penny for making all the B&J graphics you’ll see today.)



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Ben & Jerry’s Contest Results To Be Announced THIS MORNING Tue, 18 Oct 2011 13:00:57 +0000

Okay, so The Morning Spew boasts the most clever readers on the Worldwide Web (duh).  This is totally awesome—except when you have to judge a contest.  People, this was not easy.  We had so many great suggestions for flavors that picking a winner drove Fester to drink many filthy non-union capitalist beers.

Because y’all gave us so many great entries, we felt obligated to highlight not only the winner, but also a few runners-up. Fester would be all guilt-tripped-out if we didn’t give some exceptional ideas their due.

To keep a little suspense in the air, we’re going to make four separate announcements, spread throughout the morning, culminating with the winning entry.  Each of these announcements will feature a photo of how we think the carton would look for the suggested flavor.  When we reveal the winner, we’ll also reveal the winning prize.

Y’all have no idea how much we enjoyed this.  If you have any ideas for future contests, drop us a line at


Let the drum-rolling begin!

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Ben & Jerry’s Contest Update Fri, 14 Oct 2011 12:55:25 +0000 OWS Flavor

Okay y’all, we have all our entries.  And they are many – Fester is very pleased, and has some serious work ahead of him.  He’ll be spending the weekend making some very tough decisions and will announce the winner here in the next few days.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to contribute!  You made us spew with joy!

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Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Goes Nuts Fri, 09 Sep 2011 03:27:35 +0000

Schweddy Balls ice cream

Because you know there is always a secret ingredient.  Anyway, gross and over-priced.


MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Ben & Jerry’s has Schweddy Balls. Would you like a taste?

Chill out, it’s only the name of their new flavor.

Schweddy Balls ice cream is an homage to a 13-year-old “Saturday Night Live” skit featuring Alec Baldwin as bakery owner Pete Schweddy, whose unique holiday offerings included a delicacy called Schweddy balls.

The company’s not worried about offending people with the name, said spokesman Sean Greenwood.

“We’re the caring company,” Greenwood said Thursday. “We never want to do anything that is upsetting for people. We think it’s congruent with our values, in terms of having fun. One of our principles is ‘If it’s not fun, why do it?’”

Other flavors with edgy names — like Karamel Sutra and Half Baked — were irreverent double-entendres, too, he said.

True. But Schweddy Balls?

read the rest at

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