The Morning Spew » Contest Politics, Satire & Spew Sun, 08 Dec 2013 06:28:36 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Win A Viking Culinary Experience Sun, 26 Feb 2012 22:21:46 +0000  

Dear Readers,


Pack your bags and journey to the heart of the Mississippi Delta to experience luxurious accommodations, enjoy fine food and Find Your True South, Viking-style! Savor the good life in Greenwood, Mississippi, the hometown of Viking Range Corporation. Your stay includes two nights in one of the elegant rooms at the luxurious boutique Alluvian Hotel, and a cooking class for two at the renowned Viking Cooking School.


Complete the form for your chance to win!


Good luck.  Sign up here!

]]> 0
New Reader Challenge – Make a Music Video! Wed, 19 Oct 2011 12:00:27 +0000 Wow, the Ben & Jerry’s contest was fun.  So fun, in fact, that we want to jump right into another reader challenge.  This time, it’s all about the video.

Here’s the deal.  Fester has written you a little ditty about the Occupy Wall Street goons, and has recorded it.  It’s called “We Gonna Occupy.”  (Guess what it’s about.  No really.  Guess dammit!)

The thing is, we have no video.  Well, okay, we have a video, but it does nothing but flash the lyrics:

We want something funny.  Something scary.  Something funny and scary.  And that’s where you — the most clever readers on the Worldwide Web — come in.

First, watch the video.  You’ve probably done that already, so you already know that Fester ain’t no Sinatra, and he ain’t no Edward Van Halen.  But he’s a damn sight better than these commie wastes of skin.

Second, download the mp3 version of the song here.  (Windows users, do the right-click “Save link as” thing.  Mac users, do whatever it is you people do.)

Third, use the song to make a music video.  When you’re done, upload it to YouTube and send us a link at  We’ll review it and, if it meets our ground rules below, we’ll post it here and ensure your immortality.

The first three people to get their videos posted will win a coveted t-shirt from The Morning Spew.  (Look, if we had the money, we’d buy you a new Ferrari.  But we’re not George Soros, people.)  That said, we’ll continue to post videos as long as people want to send them in.  Later submissions might not get a t-shirt, but if we post your video, you will receive immortality, high praise, and our undying gratitude.

A few ground rules:

  • No nudity, unless you blur it out or otherwise obscure it. (We’re not prudes here, but still.)
  • No racism, sexism, etc., unless you’re exposing racism, sexism, etc. by the occupiers.
  • Don’t violate anyone’s copyrights — give credit when appropriate and adhere to fair-use principles.
  • And most importantly, you must put our URL ( at the beginning and end of the video.  You can also give credit to yourself and anyone else, but we gotsta have that URL.

Other than that, you have total creative control.  Now go forth and make music videos!  Fester sez enjoy!  


]]> 3
Ben & Jerry’s Contest – WINNER Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:00:33 +0000

Every once in a while, someone hits the sweet spot.  Threads the needle.  Comes up with a totally kick-ass ice-cream flavah!  Such is mark muhlig’s entry, “Steal This Ice Cream.”  The irony is more delicious than the ice cream itself.

In four words and four syllables, mark has managed to lay bare the fundamental problem with socialism, while exposing the utter hypocrisy behind Ben & Jerry’s cheap publicity stunt and the so-called 99% movement as a whole.  If Ben & Jerry are so enlightened, perhaps they’ll drop their price to $0.00 for those of us in the bottom 99%, and charge the upper crust like a million bucks a carton!  Social justice, thy name is Delicious Frozen Dairy Treats!

mark muhlig, we at The Morning Spew salute you!   In recognition for your excellent contribution, we want to send you a t-shirt.  Please send an e-mail to and provide:  (1) a shipping address; (2) your t-shirt size; and (3) your favorite color for the t-shirt itself.  Here’s what it looks like in Forest Green:

And thanks to everyone for contributing!

]]> 5
Ben & Jerry’s Contest – First Runner-Up Tue, 18 Oct 2011 14:30:32 +0000

Reader J.J. Sefton has given us this Damn Clever play on one of B&J’s most popular flavors.  In the process, J.J. exposes the true commie nature of the so-called 99% movement.  If it walks like a commie, talks like a commie, and tastes like delicious caramel and the blood of 100 million slaughtered innocents who are desperately trying to warn us from beyond their mass graves, it must be Ché Garcia!

]]> 0
Ben & Jerry’s Contest – Second Runner-Up Tue, 18 Oct 2011 14:00:05 +0000

Our friend cgp has cracked the code on the more mellow protesters.  I mean, once you’ve viewed a couple of crying-hippie videos, you just know these people are so stoned!  This explains why they need B&J’s pharmaceutical-grade munchies in the first place.  Grass roots indeed!

]]> 0
Ben & Jerry’s Contest – Third Runner-Up Tue, 18 Oct 2011 13:30:44 +0000

Courtesy of our good friend tc, please enjoy this new delicious flavor called “Teamster Creamster.”  Here, tc makes a play on something we all know about the Occupiers:   They’re pure Astroturf!  Union management, having confiscated immense sums of money from their rank-and-file constituents in the form of dues, are now blowing it on feeding these teeming throngs of hippies.  If Fester were an actual Teamster — one who worked for a living — he’d be so pissed.

But of course, the more thuggish union members are always pissed.  I mean, just look at those fists popping out of the carton!  Now that’s some quality rage!

(Many thanks to Penny for making all the B&J graphics you’ll see today.)



]]> 0
Ben & Jerry’s Contest Results To Be Announced THIS MORNING Tue, 18 Oct 2011 13:00:57 +0000

Okay, so The Morning Spew boasts the most clever readers on the Worldwide Web (duh).  This is totally awesome—except when you have to judge a contest.  People, this was not easy.  We had so many great suggestions for flavors that picking a winner drove Fester to drink many filthy non-union capitalist beers.

Because y’all gave us so many great entries, we felt obligated to highlight not only the winner, but also a few runners-up. Fester would be all guilt-tripped-out if we didn’t give some exceptional ideas their due.

To keep a little suspense in the air, we’re going to make four separate announcements, spread throughout the morning, culminating with the winning entry.  Each of these announcements will feature a photo of how we think the carton would look for the suggested flavor.  When we reveal the winner, we’ll also reveal the winning prize.

Y’all have no idea how much we enjoyed this.  If you have any ideas for future contests, drop us a line at


Let the drum-rolling begin!

]]> 0
Ben & Jerry’s Contest Update Fri, 14 Oct 2011 12:55:25 +0000 OWS Flavor

Okay y’all, we have all our entries.  And they are many – Fester is very pleased, and has some serious work ahead of him.  He’ll be spending the weekend making some very tough decisions and will announce the winner here in the next few days.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to contribute!  You made us spew with joy!

]]> 0
The Morning Spew’s First Contest! Help Ben & Jerry Name A New Occupy Wall Street Ice Cream Flavor! Mon, 10 Oct 2011 19:33:07 +0000  


As I posted earlier today,  not unsurprisingly, Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream has offered their corporate backing to the Wall Street Protests.   When we first learned of this, the Spew Crew knew that we had the makings of a delicious contest! 

So here goes!

Come up with a name for a new Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavor to honor the Wall Street slugs….. er…. protesters!  Winner gets a Morning Spew post in their honor with their winning flavor noted AND some other prize.  We are not sure what that other prize is, yet, but we are good for it!

So don’t be shy!  Put your Occupy Wall Street Flavor entries in the comments section!  You can thumb up your favorites, but the Spew Crew’s own Fester Boyle will judge the contest.

Contest will run until 10:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Thursday!

]]> 109