The Morning Spew » economy Politics, Satire & Spew Tue, 06 Dec 2011 14:58:25 +0000 en hourly 1 Understatement Of The Year Wed, 28 Sep 2011 14:22:22 +0000 PennyThawtz  





]]> 1
Congress Must Spend Half a Trill … For the Children Fri, 09 Sep 2011 02:12:53 +0000 Fester Boyle ella-diaper-edited

Did baby make a jobs speech? Good baby!

Tonight, President Øbama urged Congress to “stop the political circus and actually do something to help the economy.”  Pooh-pooh him if you will, laugh if you must, but as of today, Fester is convinced that committing $447 billion to put our 14 million unemployed Americans back to work — nearly $32,000 per job ($64,000 if you want to get to a Bush-like 5% unemployment) — is the relief our economy so sorely needs.

You see, it’s recently come to light that the cost of our piss-poor economy is coming out of American babies’ hides — literally.  The NY Daily News gives us the rundown on this crappy situation:

In what could be called “The Pampers Indicator,” U.S. moms spent 9% less on disposable diapers then they did a year earlier despite the fact that birth rates have slipped only slightly. And yet, diaper rash cream sales are up, according to AdAge.

Proof that moms are changing their babies’ diapers less frequently to stretch their budgets, could be in the angry red rash, a likely result of babies sitting too long in soiled diapers.

(Read the rest here.)

That’s right.  Thanks to our sagging economy, American babies are being forced to pack ten pounds of s**t in a five-pound bag.  Not to sound all anal, but frankly, that stinks.  If we don’t wipe out this problem now, the situation could well become explosive.  Indeed, people are fuming already.

Here’s the bottom line:  Will we ever crack the code behind this stagnant economy?  It all Depends on you.  Do America’s babies a solid:  Urge your Congressmen to throw more money around today — it’s for the children.

]]> 0